There are so many things, we women can accept even though they are so wrong i.e. telling your best friend she sounds like Rihanna when she sounds like a horse (though it would still be best if you told the truth) or if you ate that big bowl of ice-cream to get over a nasty breakup (still wrong but we aren’t judging you), either way, we can still accept those wrong moves for the right reasons, but when it comes to a life and death situation such as Domestic violence, there is only one word – Flee!!!
When it comes to Domestic Violence, there are certainly no negotiables on earth, In our opinion, domestic violence is akin to the sin of murder, but the question is why do women choose to stay in such destructive situations? like literally thousands of black women have lost their lives due to domestic violence and each year the numbers keep increasing.
According to a recent domestic violence survey by Blackburn Center It was discovered more than 40% of Black women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, the survey also noted that Black women are 2.5 times more likely to be murdered by men than white women. Indicating that majority of these violence cases with a percentage rate of 56% are committed by a current or former intimate partner.
With the alarming rate of domestic violence and its brutal psychological, physical, and emotional effects on black women, it’s a mystery why black women haven’t pulled the plug on such a jarring reality.
Why choose to stay when you do have a choice?
Only a few words can answer these puzzling questions,
The first is Belief. It is so sad nowadays, that women particularly black women believe they are the only ingredients that can keep their homes, relationships, and families together or even change a man. Well, women are a very important part of the circle, but they seem to forget it takes two to tango. If the other partner is performing at a bare minimum, physically hurting or destroying their self-esteem, then women need to understand that it is not even worth it at all. Even with the quite glaring visible red flags, black women choose to stay even though it cost them their lives.
Another word is Loneliness. Loneliness has been a huge factor, especially in domestic violence cases. Society has successfully and negatively programmed single women to believe that if they don’t marry or be with someone by a certain age then either something is wrong with them or no one would want to be with them, hence, in order not to be negatively labelled, single women usually settle for men that have no regard for their feelings, forgetting that they are the prize and settling for less is not an option.
Money, is the Five letter word that has killed more women in domestic violence. Why? African society has programmed women to depend on the man and money is sometimes the only reason why women choose to stay in such destructive relationships. When leaving is suggested to them, they ask questions like where will I go? How will I cater for myself and take care of my children?
All these and more run through the heads of these women making them stay in such relationships and marriages until their tragic breaking point or death. A great example of this is the recently devastating death of the wife of a popular Lagos businessman better known as IVD, Bimbo Ogbonna, who killed herself due to intense trauma from her very abusive husband. Although there are different sides to the story regarding her death, it won’t change the fact that Bimbo was abused to the point that life lost its meaning.
We are always told as women that we are the strongest set of beings God made, we should start believing that about ourselves. Why stay in relationships that don’t serve us if we are strong enough to leave? The only solution is we need to believe that we are actually strong enough to leave anything and anyone that don’t align with our being, purpose, and strength.
Truthfully, the end of domestic violence starts with us women. Black women need to understand it is okay to leave and fight for a future that has peace in it. Yes, people and society may say their worst but always remember they won’t be with you if you hit rock bottom.
You are strong enough and your self-worth is priceless!
We need to believe that we don’t need to stay in that pit and if leaving would mean we are free then we should leave.
