Have you noticed nowadays that, as a single woman, 80% of conversations you have revolve around relationships? Nowadays, almost every single time I end up hanging out with friends or acquaintances, I can almost time the “Are you single?” question. If the question was groundnut oil, I could’ve fried 3 plates of dodo by now. At least I’d be well fed.
On one of these occasions, I was meeting up with a dear friend of mine. Being married himself, I knew the question of why I’m still single was already peeking through the curtains, ready for her grand entrance. About 20 minutes in, like Beyonce at Coachella she emerged from the false floor shouting “Everybody say ‘Hey Mrs Carter”.
As I narrated my tales of Lagos Boys Gbas Gbos, he made a statement that really got me thinking. “I honestly believe that it’s harder for people to get married as they grow older“. Naturally, my first thought leaned more into the typical reasons like ‘the pickings are now slim’ or ‘you realize you won’t die if you’re not married by 35’. But that’s not where he was coming from.
I feel it is important to state that prior to his statement, I had made a bold one myself. After a recent “Gbas” from a Lagos brethren, I had taken a long hard look at myself. After hours of dragging my own shirt, I realized there’s a lot of work I need to do on myself. This really is a story for another day, but know that it ended with me realizing I need Me more than anyone else. I, for the first time, came face to face with something I had heard so many times, but never took the time to really analyze. If I don’t learn how to love myself, care for myself, make me happy…then no one will. It was after this that he made his statement. His proposition? The more you know yourself and come to learn that you are self-sufficient, the less appealing relationships become.
And I must admit, now that I type this, I sort of agree. On the life-long journey to self-discovery, you get to unearth so much about yourself. You learn how you tick, what makes you upset, gives you joy and you become truly happy. Self-generated happiness that saves somebody’s son from hustling for your smiles. I think this sort of explains why relationships snatch you up when you’re just doing you. Don’t get e wrong, I want to be married. But in the meantime, what’s a girl to do?
I’ll tell you what – When you get to that place where You love YOU, truly, then you will be able to recognize the real deal. Instead of settling for someone who is selling small chops with only Samosa and Puff Puff in traffic, you now operate as a full option babe!
Well, I might still have a concussion from my last ‘situationship’, but at least there’s no love lost when it comes to loving yourself. Abi?