Chick Chat With Cornelia O’ Dwyer: Is It Arrogance To Enjoy One’s Wealth When Others Around You Are In Need?
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Is it arrogance to continue to enjoy ones wealth when others around you are in need? Given the current hardship of the country, is it in poor taste to be overtly frivolous if your inner circle isn’t doing so well. Have you found yourself judging others for their spending? Do you automatically assign YOUR values to them without recognizing it? Do you think spending money on clothes, or first-class airfare, or expensive jewellery and Aso ebi is wasteful? These days it’s easy to find yourself in an awkward moment when it comes to dealing with friends and money in this economic climate but at what point do you check yourself?
Weigh in on the story below:
I have a close friend Shalewa whose parents have provided her a particular lifestyle. She had her first designer bag at 13. For as long as I’ve known, she has been a spendthrift. She’s always been frivolous with her spending even as far back as University. Her parents choked her with money. Regardless of the taste of the food, Shalewa would want to dine at an expensive restaurant simple BECAUSE it was the “in” thing to do. Shalewa earns her own money now but her habits are still the same. Another close friend of ours Amaka, is a hard worker and a go getter but things have been rough for her lately. She runs a training centre and has been complaining of how slow business is for her and how worried she is that this “suffering” must last for. Amaka has scaled back on ALL frivolities i.e no summer vacation, random outings or costly events. She has staff who’s livelihood is dependent on her success. Over my birthday dinner, discussion about a friends wedding came up and Amaka isn’t considering spending 45K on the ‘Aso ebi’ neither is she attending the destination wedding. It simply isn’t up for debate. Shalewa on the other hand who just came back from a fancy holiday said “ah, I have to o, I will look and feel bad if I don’t” It was at this point Amaka let go of what was already top of her mind and with a condescending tone & ‘reprimands’ Shalewa for “always wanting to belong and spending money foolishly”. Amaka points out that Shalewa is not that close to the friend so she needs to “sit her ass down”. Shalewa responds with “how is it my fault that you are broke?” It pretty much went downhill from there as Shalewa didn’t appreciate being called out for living “beyond her means”.
Who needs a reality check in this scenario? Do you tend to judge people who spend significant amounts of money on anything that’s not directly focused on the bare necessities of living. Do you judge without context? It’s Shalewa’s prerogative what she spends her money on but when one friend isn’t doing so well, is it judgemental to criticise another friends “poor spending choices” or do friends like Shalewa need a wake up call to be sensitive in these rough times?