Chick Chat With Connie Girl: Does Tribe Have Anything To Do With A Marriage Working or Not?

Hey Guys! It’s #ChickChat.

I wasn’t too keen on my husbands family initially but we both studied and worked abroad for a while before moving home. I didn’t get acquainted with my husbands family until I moved home. I’m 31, Igbo and he is 35 and Yoruba. We have been married for about 6months so far and I thought this was meant to be the “honeymoon” phase.

My mother-in-law is obsessed with her boys and wants me to call my brother-in-law (who is my age) “uncle”.

One day at a small gathering in her house, She called me to the kitchen and said “as the youngest wife in the family, she noticed I was calling my brother-in-law by his name and I cannot be calling him “like that “as a” man” in the family that it was rude.

I scratched my head in my head but I maintained a poker face and told her I was sorry if she found it disrespectful and that I will do so. I only said this because I wasn’t trying to argue with her but I am livid!

I particularly find this archaic and degrading. I was raised very differently by my family and coming into marriage I feel like I’m being corrected and everything I’ve learnt “isn’t the right way” to be. Kneel down, say sorry, you are the wife, don’t talk back, don’t do this to your husband…Ughhh!

I over heard my husband on the phone with his mom that evening filling him in on what she had told me. Much to my surprise, he says “I will talk to her” and he doesn’t think it is a big deal. He says he will speak to me???? I was fuming at this point and too annoyed with him as I personally expected support in this area. He was being lazy and just didn’t want to get into it with his mother BUT why do men do silly things like this!

I told my mom, she feels my pain but knows that some Yoruba families are deep in respect and culture so it won’t kill me. My question is, should people impose their culture on others who aren’t from their home town? My dad is too upset and wants to speak to my mother-in-law to curb this mess amongst other conditions and enforcements but my mom has told him to back off and that I must learn.

When I got engaged, I knew my upbringing was different but my husband spent a number of years in England so he wasn’t overly traditional but as soon as we moved back home, it seems like his mission is to convert me into someone I’m not.

If it were you, would you call someone your age “uncle” for the sake of peace or should I stand my ground now to fence off any further shenanigans?