Are You At Your Partner’s Mercy?
From what I know marriage is still a desired amongst many and it does work on occasion.
I’m not married, but I have parents, who have been together for over 3 decades. From observing them and several other couples, I’ve come to the conclusion that embarking on marriage is a huge leap of faith. You expose your entire self to another person who hopefully will have your back, after all the butterflies of ‘lust’ have fluttered away.
Even at my age and yet unmarried, I know this is not always the case. And I see that it is even more negative than ever before in our times today. Social media is replete with stories of platitudes urging you to look before you leap, and marriages gone wrong; from cheating spouses, to women experiencing abuse, interference from family members, and so on. A few ‘o je wa ka eng’ heartbreak stories that trended on social media these past few weeks bring this issue to the fore. This prompts us to ask, “Does marriage put you at your partner’s mercy?”
Apparently.
Take the story about American movie star Johnny Depp.
His ex-wife, Amber Heard, filed for a divorce in 2016 with claims that the relationship was abusive, and with evidence from her legal team, won the case. It was a bad one for Mr. Depp. He got kicked off his role on Disney’s popular franchise “Pirates of the Caribbean,” and other movies he was scheduled to appear in. The twist in this story is that recent evidence – audio, video and witness – released by Mr. Depp’s legal team, shows that all of Miss Heard’s allegations were false, and that she, herself, was the abuser in the relationship. Mr. Depp is currently suing her for 50 million dollars, on charges of defamation.
There was once love here. Little did he know that his character would be later ‘assassinated’ by his nearest and dearest; his wife, with whom he could and had been totally vulnerable.
There was another story on our shores that may not have trended as much but still echoes this total vulnerability partners are exposed to. Toyin Arajulu, a lady whose marriage ended in July 2014, was in the news. She had been on the verge of losing her home, before the law intervened. Her ex-husband, Mr James Monday, spent five years attempting to forcefully evict her and their four children from their marital home in Olodo, Ibadan.
In the first week of March, just in time for international women’s day, the presiding judge gave the woman justice by implementing what he called, “palm tree justice”, (didn’t even know such a law exists in Nigeria), which states, in summary, that: “A husband who marries a wife and builds a house during the pendency of the marriage stands the risk of losing that house if he later divorces the woman who had children for him unless such woman of her own volition leaves the matrimonial home.”
Marriage ties your fate; where the law works, a separation will have you lose one thing or the other. Just like the Nigerian man in the final story we share to illustrate our point about being at your partner’s mercy. His Liberian wife put out a video that was shared severally on WhatsApp.
While we are not experts, clearly marriage increases your exposure making you vulnerable. It is serious business and these stories we shared do not suggest you expect the worst from marriage, it should rather fortify your resolve to take the process to getting there seriously. I’d say choose carefully and seek the best for your partner, but do not abandon yourself.
Good thoughts on the issue. I think marriage is, unfortunately, a risk every one who understands what ‘responsibility’ means has to experience.
Whether you are ‘well prepared’ or not, the inevitable would always set in at a sudden moment.