Chick Chat With Connie Girl: Emotional Roller-coaster. Do Most Men Fail To Meet 80{54d2fcdcd494adb6982253be6fe8d5492e5f586157f419110131714f9092ec60} of A Woman’s Emotional Needs?

 

I had quite a difficult pregnancy which landed me in the hospital for short periods of time. I had  complications and had to be medically induced at 34 weeks. I went through a preterm birth which followed with our child being strapped up to breathing tubes and given a 55{54d2fcdcd494adb6982253be6fe8d5492e5f586157f419110131714f9092ec60} chance of survival. He was so tiny I cringed looking at him. It was a devastating experience, hard to stomach and one I couldn’t have prepared for. I was emotionally vulnerable and worried whether my child would be ok.

My husband Kunle was supportive and by my side where he could but didn’t exactly get much time off work to care for us round the clock. He couldn’t connect to the deep emotions I felt and without meaning to gave off a “get-a-grip-attitude” at times. I was lucky to have bonded with my nurses who reassured me that I was strong, doing well and hugged me when my tears became uncontrollable. The hospital was my new home and the environment was far from uplifting. Kunle had too quickly come to terms with us being okay if the worst happened and had too practical and cold of an approach to it all in my opinion. I was not quite there yet.

There were days he wasn’t there when I needed him, moments where he checked out emotionally and seemed distant. I tried to express my feelings to him, he listened and we prayed but didn’t understand what I needed from him. I didn’t have the luxury of getting depressed but over the months discontent began to brew. My mom arrived to help but she didn’t help much by telling me I needed to be strong. She said “Ah, I hope you know Kunle doesn’t have time to come and be doing all this rubbish with you, he cannot be here “shuke shuke o”. I couldn’t believe her words. I didn’t find comfort with my nearest and dearest at such a crucial time. “What is he supposed to do” “He is a man” “Ah, you know men”. My baby survived and is healthy now and we are thankful but of course our relationship took some blows and I’m thinking of suggesting Therapy to my hubby but I don’t want him to feel judged.

Are there relationship consequences when a mans inadequacies as a husband become exposed? Isn’t this how marriages run aground when feelings become bottled up. Do husbands have a responsibility to meet their partners emotional needs at least 80{54d2fcdcd494adb6982253be6fe8d5492e5f586157f419110131714f9092ec60} of the time or should women seek support with women. Can a man truly connect and the understand the depth of our needs.