5 Tips on Managing Disagreement in Relationships.
Every relationship has its disagreements, including romantic ones. In fact, it can be argued that the intimacy of romantic relationships, can make these disagreements more severe. Though this fact is slowly becoming widespread knowledge, a large portion of couples still shy away from disagreements. It’s true that constant argument might signify a flawed relationship, however, what is rarely realized is that disagreements don’t have to lead to arguments. If you understand how to navigate conflict, and manage emotions, any differences you may have in your relationship will be properly contained and resolved.
While this skill takes years to master, the following tips can be of great help anytime you’re in the middle of a disagreement
1. Emotions are created by thoughts
As real as your emotions feel, you should always strive to remember that they don’t reflect what is actually happening. Emotions are created by your thoughts of what is happening. For example, think about a conversation where you made a relatively harmless comment, only for the other person to go into a rage and take offense. You weren’t trying to offend the person, however, the person’s thought interpreted it as offense, and thus anger, and outrage followed. When having a disagreement with your partner, it is useful to pay attention to how you interpret what he says. This isn’t to say you should rationalize or reframe everything into a positive light, rather the aim is to look for the truth in his words, and ensure real communication, rather than empty verbal exchanges occur
2. Watch your words
The words you use are very important. Resorting to verbal attacks or name calling, or using accusatory terms (e.g. calling him a cheat for talking to a woman you don’t like), adds fuel to the fire. The aim, is to reach a place where both of you can see each other’s point of view, and resolve a path, the wrong words can malign this effort. Pay attention to the words you use when having a disagreement; remembering your emotions aren’t as real as they seem, will help you maintain control over any outburst.
3. Communication goes beyond words
That said, things like intonation, and body language, play a part. The wonderful thing about human speech is that the type of tone we use, can convey a meaning that is totally different from the words we use. Sarcasm, dismissive tones, raising your voice, accusatory tones, will only serve to widen the current chasm between you two. Make sure your tone of voice reflects what your words say, nothing is more annoying than a partner who says something they clearly do not mean.
4. Attack the action and not the person
Most times, when people offend us, we automatically assume their intentions are malicious. Most times however, the odds are that their slights were accidental, caused from a lack of thought or foresight, rather than intention. Recognizing this fact will help to take the sting out of your offense, and will help you argue your position without demeaning the other person. Attacking the person, makes them raise their defences rather than seeing your point of view, defeating the aim, which is always to make them see your perspective as clearly as possible.
5. Get Distance
There will be times when you will be too angry or hurt to have an honest conversation. In moments like this, rather than say something you’ll regret, the best thing to do is to take break to cool off, and form a proper opinion.
