Why am I Still Single? by Dr. Ede Ojo
This was the exactly question Jenny asked me recently. “What is wrong,” she asked? “I am beautiful, well educated, not wayward, a good cook and come from a good family; I want to be married but cannot seem to find the right man for me.”
“Hold it right there,” I said, almost shouting in excitement as I got an insight into why this lovely 38-year-old was not married. “What does the right man for you look like?” I enquired. “I need a man who will accept me as his equal in marriage,” she replied. “The men I meet initially seem to be genuinely attracted to me but then after a while I realize that they are looking for a woman to fan their male ego and it is a turn-off as I feel they want to take advantage of me.”
“Could it be that you fall out of love with the men because you find something they do that you believe means they feel superior to you,” I asked? I told her to give me an example of what she really meant and she had told me about her last relationship. She had invited the guy to her place for dinner and he arrived a couple of minutes early and met her putting finishing touches to the meal. When he offered a few suggestions about what she was doing she became annoyed, because she knew exactly what she was doing and he had no business coming early and trying to tell her what to do; especially in her own house. She concluded he could not deal with a “strong” woman like her. The evening ended on a sour note and after a few phone conversations she realized he was not the one for her.
“So, you need to find a man who will come to you on your own terms; not tell you what to do and how to do it? Well, does such a man exist?” “I guess not,” she said. “So what are you going to do? Find someone who doesn’t exist?” “Well I believe that there is someone out there for me; I just haven’t met him yet.” Jokingly I said, “For your own sake I hope you haven’t met him yet because it is possible you did not recognize him when you met him.” What stood out clearly from my interaction with Jenny was her belief that other people (i.e. her past suitors) were essentially the problem. THEY had wronged her. It did not occur to her that she also had a role to play in this drama. The need to be seen as an equal partner in a relationship is also prominent and this need may have arisen from early/past life experiences.
The good news is that Jenny is willing to take a critical look at herself and how she has contributed to her single status despite being desirous of marriage and having the qualities that make a good wife.
Do you have mind matters to share?
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