FIND THE MID-POINT-Audrey Joe-Ezigbo
It is so easy for us as parents to hide under the maxim that ‘things have changed’. Truth is, that from our children’s perspectives, things have not changed. We just need to find the mid-point.
This time of the year, I am reminded of the transitions that we all go through in life, which forms the bedrock of the very unique individuals that we each turn out to be.
Think about it – seems like yesterday you were just a teenager, unconcerned about anything other than self really. Then in what seems like the twinkling of an eye, life hits you with a whole myriad of responsibilities. There’s work, bosses and colleagues to deal with; cars to manage; rents to pay; a fiancé, husband/wife; and later, children to manage; etc.
Truth is, even I still sometimes find myself trying to figure how I so quickly came through the days of studded belts on my black leather skirt, a studded glove on one hand, twenty bangles jangling on the other hand, my Anita Baker haircut, and gigantic hoop earrings to boot; to become the boss, wife, and Mother of four -among other roles find myself in today.
The Lord is our strength, no be so? Ah! Truly He is! (By the way, my children were practically rolling on the floor in laughter as they envisaged their mama as a leather-clad, studded so-and-so, heehee)
That said, I firmly believe that what counts more than anything else is being able to look back and see that we’ve come along way from where we used to be – in terms of emotional maturity, academic and career achievements, financially, relationally, and more than anything else for me, spiritually.
It strikes me that God gave mankind the ability to retain memory so that we can take the past and use it to build up the futures of those who are coming behind us, particularly our children – biological or otherwise. Just about every parent I know will agree that they have since found themselves speaking the exact same language that their own parents once spoke to them when they were teenagers.
Just about every parent will agree that they now have a better understanding of what it was that their parents were trying to teach them as they grew. Just like our own parents did, most parents today will readily admit that they do not always find it easy to look back on their childhood experiences and try to reason out the behaviors and attitudes of their own children, in light of how they reasoned out or interpreted situations when they were themselves, children.
It is so easy for us as parents to hide under the maxim that ‘things have changed’. Truth is, that from our children’s perspectives, things have not changed. Things are exactly how they know have always and ever known them to be. It is so hard to get them to conceive what they never experienced first-hand.
What this means, therefore, is that the onus is largely on us the parents, to work to find the mid-point between the past and the present, taking the core values from the past and integrating them with the positively dynamic and progressive elements in today’s world.
The most refreshing of interactions and relationships with our children come when we prayerfully and by the leading of the Holy Spirit, make deliberate adjustments to our attitudes, perspectives, and language; lovingly choosing to truly ‘hear’ our children’s hearts and minds before taking decisions or reacting to situations.
Our children are more willing to carry through on our advice, positions, and even discipline, once they are sure we are open and take the time to try to understand their side of things. Something to think about!
…… Culled from tw April 2013 Edition.
