Chick Chat with Cornelia O’Dwyer: Your husband’s female friend
Growing up my mother would always say, “Know yourself, no be curse.” Respecting yourself is important and each individual has their own unique boundaries in relationships. What Freda did here isn’t “wrong” but could certainly be seen as over familiar.
My husband Akin came back from a work trip in Italy and when he was unpacking I noticed a lovely pair of shoes that were not my size in his suitcase. I asked him about it and he mentioned they were for Freda, a female friend of his. He said: “Oh, Freda wanted them for an occasion and she had me purchase them for her at the airport”. She had asked him to buy a pair of $750 shoes! I trust him so I didn’t probe him further. I was doing some browsing on Facebook and I noticed a post from Freda with a massive shout out to my husband for buying the shoes for her. It was an appreciative gesture but surely this display of gratitude was not necessary. I was immediately enraged and I have been stewing at work. I’m pondering whether this behaviour is “acceptable” or whether I’m being too righteous. I say this because I’m not drawn to the chick in particular though we are pleasant with each other. She was the best man’s fiancé and I’m not into forcing of relationships so I made sure our relationship grew organically and even at that she just isn’t my kind of girl. We have little in common. I don’t suspect there is any hanky panky going on with her and Akin but what’s that saying about familiarity breeding contempt.
I saw Freda at a party and I mentioned to her that It didn’t really sit well with me that she requested a pair of such expensive shoes without my knowledge and the further display and tagging of Akin on social media just isn’t necessary. We are all on BBM. It was obvious she didn’t get the hint of protocol and felt she was close enough to the source to ask directly. She sarcastically apologized and said “I didn’t think it was a big deal since I was giving him back the money and sorry if I offended you”. I’m sorry guys but isn’t this too personal of a request or should I not have approached her. Why did she have to put it on social media. I found that embarrassing since I wasn’t at all even comfortable with it in the first place.
When a man gets married, I think it’s important for all female acquaintances to step back and respect his new position but what would you do if you were in the situation? Ignore her? Are you ok with your hubby running personal errands for his other female friends? Let it go or stop him now? My friend in the office told me I should have sold the shoes and I should have taken it up with my hubby.
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