WIFE OR NOT
Chimamanda is a good person. Her biggest crime is that she speaks her truth and doesn’t suffer fools gladly. If she were some non-entity it wouldn’t matter. I have watched with awe the furor on social media over her comment about Ms. Hilary Clinton’s choice to address herself as wife of.. on Twitter.
Those who know me know that I have a close enough relationship with the young-at least to me- talented 40 something-year-old, mother of one delightful daughter who is the apple of her eyes, and wife of a dear supportive husband.
Those who know me also know I dread the social media space. It can be vicious but it is a necessary evil. The ability to reach so many at the touch of a button is good, but like Opiates which ease pain or nuclear energy that gives power, it has a potential to destroy, if used wrongly.
Such power in the hands of the wrong person is what makes it destructive.So I tread carefully as I make my comments days after when it is not a case of joining the bandwagon!
Anyway, I chose to join this conversation for two reasons; because Chimamanda is our current cover subject, and also because I am a wife and a feminist too.
I will define that.
I believe women and men are different to the extent that biology and hormones determine gender. However, because human rights have nothing to do with hormones, it is therefore unjust not to see men and women as equal. Dignity has no gender. Those are spectacles through which I view the world. I am a feminist.
I agree with Chimamanda that Hillary, like any married woman, is more than being a wife. ‘Wifeness’ is delightful, but when it starts being all a person is about then people will beg to borrow or steal to attain that state reducing it to a mere acquisition. Being a wife is more than a title.. (Read Ms. Miss or Mrs here)
I know for a fact that Chimamanda doesn’t abhor being a wife and doesn’t denigrate anyone who would choose to be identified as such… (Read our cover story here).
While this piece is not in defense of Ms. Chimamanda- she has done that quite eloquently in her response to some of the comments- I do not want young women thinking they have to be a Mrs. to be successful disregarding all other achievements. And that to me is the essence of her comment.
Secondly, I would like that we all aimed at not being one them social media ‘hyenas’ who often pounce without seeing the full picture. They take quotes out of context to suit their agenda.
Also, that we do not reduce this place of instant and worldwide access to the theatre of the absurd. One that is full of spiteful unverified information which we share just to stay relevant.
In essence: Think before you click or share. Get a copy of the digital magazine here
I watched the interview and I am also an avid admirer of Hilary Clinton so I understood the question because it was one I considered during the election. Was it her decision or was it the Campaign that insisted? This is because we know that Hilary is a non-conformist. She didn’t spend her days as First Lady sending out cookie recipes but making actual change in the lives of the people. She pushed for changes in laws and enactment of a number (I cannot particularise them now). I realise however that the issue is that Chimamanda has already been judged before she utters anything. I have asked for any excerpt where she has even if ever so slightly insinuated a disdain for family values and I am yet to see this, because there is none of course!
I’m not sure CNA was judged prematurely. I think what got people ticking was that CNA said she was “upset” and “slightly annoyed” by another woman’s (HRC’s) choice to list ‘wife’ first in her bio. This she reiterated in her response to the backlash. I feel she put HRC on the spot, even pointing out that Bill doesn’t list husband in his bio and further by asking her to change the bio. I’m always uncomfortable when a woman’s legitimate, honest, choice is being constrained.
I think the point has been missed. For me, it is this: HRC should be free to express herself, honestly, as she feels and sees fit with out fear or favor. If she chooses to define herself as a wife first, then so be it. It hasn’t prevented any of her achievements. No where does she say or imply that other women should become wives or that that status elevates her or other women in any way. She also does not denigrate, expressly or impliedly, any woman who chooses to be a stay at home mom or wife who’s greatest joy is raising her children. Instead, IMHO, those who criticize HRC’s choice are the ones taking a subliminal dig at certain women. Feminism to me to about the freedom to chose amongst the many options/roles life offers women, free from coercion or criticism from men and women alike. If HRC feels that she is first a wife, then mother then all the other great stuff, what’s wrong with it? If anything she’s shown a woman can do it all. It doesn’t have to be one or the other or one before the other. We are all wonderful in our own ways.