If you’ve come to this post to figure out how to spot a frenemy, then we’ve got some information for you.
Friendships are great. They help you build your social skills, the right ones empower you and generally make your life fuller. However, just like everything in life, there’s always a bad egg. There’s always that one friend who acts like a friend but really isn’t. These kinds of friends can create a toxic environment in which you find it hard to thrive. And that’s not good.
So today, because we realize how difficult it is to break up any friendship, we’re helping you spot who your real friends are. These tips on how to spot a frenemy will give you the courage to call it quits and clean your life of every toxic element.
Let’s dive in.
They talk behind your back
This is probably one of the most popular traits of frenemies. Granted, we’re not all angels when it comes to gossiping, but there’s a certain invisible line of secrecy you never cross as a friend. And a frenemy crosses that line, often. They usually make derogatory comments about you and your life and go as far as sharing information shared in secret. This person shows they have no value for your presence in their life and are looking to ruin your reputation in the eyes of others.
Secrecy among friends is sacred, and real friends know this.
2. They’re passive-aggressive
Have you ever asked someone how you look in an outfit and their response makes you feel worse? Yeah, that’s it. A lot of times, frenemies cannot share their true feelings with you and so do it in underhanded ways. They’ll mutter negative comments, and discourage you from doing things that will improve your life. When you hardly get any positive response from someone, chances are they’re a frenemy.
You need to remind yourself that friends will be truthful with you, but never intend to hurt your feelings in any way.
3. They never support you
Real friends show up for each other and cheer each other on. A frenemy does not. If you discover that the “friend” in question doesn’t celebrate your achievements, support your dreams, goals or aspirations and always find a way to discourage you, that’s a frenemy.
4. Your relationship feels awful
Just like in a sour relationship, or like working a job you don’t enjoy, the experience just feels awful. Great friendships are meant to fill you with joy, excitement and peace, and not sadness, dread and anxiety. If you discover that you always feel negative feelings when you’re around this person, you need to leave. If you don’t, the situation will worsen, and because they’re a frenemy, they will not help you get better in any way.
5. They make you feel like you’re the one with the problem
Breaking off a toxic relationship can be dicey. When you try to confront a frenemy, they would typically make it seem like you took their behaviours out of context and are overreacting. They’re usually the first to cry wolf in these cases.
One of the ways to avoid this is to address the situation immediately it happens. When they exhibit frenemy behaviour, call it out and address it. If you have made it known that you do not appreciate their comments, behaviour etc and they persist, then you have more grounds to walk away without any blame.
We hope we’ve been able to help. But if not, here’s Jackie Aina’s latest video on how to spot a frenemy to help out some more. And share some tips that you have for dealing with frenemies!