“My Mother Doesn’t Joke With Her Dance Classes”, Adesuwa Onyenokwe’s Daughter
Amaka is a daughter to celebrated broadcaster, Adesuwa Onyenokwe. She talks about her mother’s career and the type of life she leads with GBENGA ADENIJI
Tell us about yourself.
I am Amaka, a daughter to Adesuwa Onyenokwe. I am an architect in training currently completing my thesis for the MArch (Masters in Architecture) degree at Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada. I’m a sucker for love and a free spirit at heart who cares about making the people that I love happy. I am the second of seven children. I have an older half-sister, three younger brothers and two little sisters, who are all taller than I am.
If I’m not ‘thesis-ing,’ I’m cooking up something creative either for my friends or for my new restaurant called 116 Kitchen.
What fond memories with your mother can you recall while growing up?
My mum would tell me certain things a typical mother will tell her daughter, and there were a few things I did not agree with or understand in that moment. She corrected me on the proper pronunciation of words or even explained words like “plastic bag” as opposed to “nylon bag” or “lylon bag.”
I look back and appreciate that attention to details in making sure she groomed her children to do things the right way, regardless of what everyone else was doing.
I met some people abroad who would gasp as I indicated where I was from, and not understand why I have a great diction, even Nigerians are shocked at times. I give all the credit to my mother who paid attention to that little details in expressing and teaching us the correct way to communicate in English.
Your mother studied Dramatic Arts at the Obafemi Awolowo University but chose a career in broadcasting. You are an architect. Didn’t she influence the career choice of any of her children to follow in her footsteps?
My parents pushed us to follow our own dreams and paths, guided by them and driven by our passions. They are advocates of allowing one to pursue what one believes would make one happy. A part of me was slightly interested in media and broadcasting, and for some strange reasons, most people expected me to be in the same field as my mum. Growing up, I was told I looked like my mother, acted like her and a part of me wanted desperately to create my own identity outside of Adesuwa Onyenokwe, so I pushed myself to focus on something else that would be “mine.” It’s funny how things took a bit of a turn when I started to realise on my own that indeed, I was quite similar to my mother in speech, mannerisms and even appearance, then I grew a love for media and fashion and found myself working with my mum’s TW(Today’s Woman magazine) as a fashion and style editor for a while. I can say that her career choice has greatly influenced the way I express myself daily. I am quite vocal about my opinions and beliefs and I hardly shy away from letting people know how I feel.
Where were the places she took her family to for relaxation?
She took us to Ikoyi Club. That was our go to for some good old-fashioned R n R (Rock and Roll). We swam 60 per cent of the time, always enjoyed the “baby sitter” which was a kids meal special, made up of fries, a huge piece of chicken and a beef sausage. This was gold to my siblings and I, with a nice chilled glass of chapman. What kid wouldn’t be happy with that? I remember her shouting from the poolside deck for us to come eat but we would continue swimming and eventually run up to meet her and ask for the food once our bellies started to rumble. We also would go to the playgrounds afterwards or run towards the donkeys for a ride around the club. The day typically ended with suya and candy floss to enjoy on our way home. I miss those days. Vacations were spent with our grandparents in Benin and Warri or in a new country or city discovering new cultures.
How does she create time for her family?
My mum made sure we all went to day schools so she could see our faces every day. Despite the crazy work schedules, we had at least one meal with her, either breakfast or dinner. In the earlier years, she would even drop us off at school or come pick us up. Weekends were major family time days. Saturday mornings we had breakfast together, it’s been pepper soup and yam since I can remember, and Sundays we had some sort of special rice for dinner and would watch shows together. She made it a part of our lifestyle to constantly see and spend time with each other as much as we could. We are a pretty close family because of this. We know the majority of what goes on in each others’ lives and I love her for that.
Did she tell you stories about her glorious moments and challenges as a broadcaster?
Always. We talk about everything. So I knew very early about how the industry works; sponsors, guests, media houses — the whole works. We celebrated the achievements and learned from the challenges, especially in the way she handled them.
How does she show affection to her children?
She just knows what to say when one is down. I have no idea how she does this but she’s a superwoman like that. Her words always make sense and warm one up. We got hugs when we were little or we just laid on her. These days she would send us sweet messages via whatsapp that subtly strengthen our faith, and find a way to make our days. We still get those hugs and forcefully cuddle her because we are still her babies.
Did she tell you what motivated her to establish a magazine dedicated to women issues having made a mark as a broadcaster?
It was always her dream to own and run a women’s lifestyle magazine, even before the production of the television programme with the same title. She’s a huge advocate of helping and teaching women to be powerful and strong. She’s always wanted to be an inspiration.
How does she like to relax?
She relaxes with a good cup of tea and biscuits or a sweet bag of popcorn, watching a romantic movie on the couch with her hubby.
Did she visit you in school often?
My favourite memory was when she dropped me off at Corona School on my first day there. I was only five years old getting into primary one. I was nervous because I knew I would be spending my time in a new environment with new people. She calmed me down and literally walked with me to greet my teachers and sit me at my desk, and then she whispered something into my ears that I honestly cannot remember now. Those words calmed me and I was ready to begin the new journey. I remember she wore a very stylish blazer and a short skirt that day. When she came into the school in my older years, it was a little show because the teachers got excited about her presence and said nice things about me to her, which I loved. I was a proud daughter in moments like that.
Did you get preferential treatment from your colleagues and teachers when you were in school?
Not at all. They were intrigued by her humility when she was present but I never got any special treatment whatsoever.
How does she punish any erring child?
She uses her hands. We received sweet slaps. My grandmother came with a cane when she visited.
Can you recall when she slapped you and what you did wrong?
Oh yes I can. My brothers and I got slapped a lot. I remember feeling the impression of her palm on my face for a good 10-15 minutes after receiving the hot slap. My little sisters do not know anything about that. They’re lucky. I could not even try to repeat my silly mistakes because all I could think of was that resounding slap. I was not ready for any extras.
Does she counsel her children on the type of persons to marry?
She’s always done this. She’s always said to her girls to look for someone that loves them more than they do and to all of us to look for someone who is selfless towards us. We have also learned to be selfless. As a big family, we practise the value of sharing and being considerate towards each other and towards others as well. Another key point from her when searching for a partner is to look at values as the best partners will be family oriented.
What kind of music does she like to listen to?
She listens to any music with a good melody.
What did she say when some people felt she didn’t ask former President Goodluck Jonathan probing questions during a media chat she moderated?
She never takes sides and tries to let people understand her interviewee’s perspectives. She’s not the type to be antagonistic in any way, which gives room to let people express themselves as best as they can.
How do people relate with you upon knowing who your mother is?
They get excited. They are shocked at first, because they cannot believe she has a daughter my age, then they comment on our uncanny resemblance. This always follows with comments on how sweet a woman she is, down-to-earth and confident at the same time.
Who were the regular faces in your house while you were growing up?
They are family members and my parents’ closest friends.
What are the ideals you have learnt from her?
The ideals I have imbibed from my mum are to be patient, kind, to value family and the love that can flourish from being close to nuclear and extended family members; to take other people’s perspectives into consideration at all times and to be selfless. The most recent and important value that has stuck out to me is to maintain a steady and healthy relationship with God and my faith.
How close are you to her?
We are as close as two peas in a pod. I tell her almost everything. The thing I keep from her I always end up crying about it later and that turns into a laughing session of ‘I told you so.’ She likes to call herself my sister these days because we look alike a lot more now and it makes her feel youthful, as she can pass for a 27-year-old. She makes the best out of every horrible situation, and I mean ‘every.’ We call her “mama” as opposed to “mum” or “mummy” because she insists she is not an Egyptian mummy.
What is her favourite drink?
Her favourite drink is Baileys.
What is her favourite food?
Her favourite food is anything with snails. She loves and can eat snails every day, and may not share with one if one crosses her path when she is eating it.
How sociable is she?
She is very sociable. She’s a social butterfly.
Who are your mother’s friends?
My father, her bestie from high school and her family.
How does she handle disagreements with her husband?
She handles disagreements with him by being patient. They always work things out on the spot.
Have you been opportune to watch her live in the studio?
I watched her several times live in the studio. The first memory I have watching her live was probably when she was presenting One on One at the Nigerian Television Authority.
What was the feeling like?
I was in awe and thought to myself; “she’s so natural and confident,” and couldn’t wait to possess those qualities.
How would you describe her?
She is selfless.
What are the career goals she set to achieve in at least five years’ time?
That TW would go global, especially with the help of its growing online platform.
How does she like to dress?
She dresses comfortably. She used to put on high heels. But now, she runs away from them and prefers her comfy low shoes.
Your mother’s television programme, “Seriously Speaking” makes a conscious effort to interview individuals with interesting aspects of life that many can easily relate with. What do you think have been her major challenges since the programme went on air?
To be honest, her major challenge is getting sponsors. Most Nigerians gravitate to entertainment and fashion, and not content and character, so most sponsors will cater for the demand for “gossip.”
What is her favourite sporting activity?
These days, it’s going for her dance classes at the gym, or using the machines in the morning in the gym. She’s the only person in our home who wouldn’t jump at the idea of swimming. We are from the Niger Delta region so it makes sense that it’s in our blood.
How did she feel when she turned 50 about three years ago?
She felt fabulous and happy. She is content and loved.
Your mother was born in Ibadan, Oyo State. How fluent is her Yoruba and does any of her children speak the language and Edo which is her root?
She’s always been great with languages; a quality I wished I possessed. She speaks Yoruba fluently. Unfortunately, I can only make minimal conversation in both Edo and Yoruba.