For the Singles Out There; Marriage isn’t the Goal.
Picture this, you’re a Nigerian woman in your mid-20s, all around you, friends are getting married, giving birth, and generally “progressing” with their lives. And you’re single. You can probably imagine what the rest of your life, if this were you, would be like. Pressure from relatives, an irrational condescension that almost borders on stigma, from random members of society, and constant thoughts about your life and why you can’t seem to find someone to call your own.
It’s a sad reality, but it is reality all the same: somehow a large portion of the population has been brainwashed to believe, that marriage, alongside a bachelor’s degree, is one of life’s major goals. But, as most of us have observed, life doesn’t give a hoot, because if it did, things like finding love, and getting a job, wouldn’t be so complicated. Yet, only a small number of people seem to realize this, the rest of society still rains pressure on young, single women, who really just want to live interesting lives, to find a man.
If you’re on this table – the young, single woman table – and you’re out here mentally torturing yourself over what seems to be an inability to keep or even find a man, stop. It’s not you, it’s the way it is. With exceptions, the general narrative goes something like this:
You’ll fall in love, many times over; and every time it happens, you’ll wonder if he is the one. In most scenarios unfortunately, time will reveal the answer to be a no. However, don’t let this hold you back. The goal of love isn’t marriage, even though that’s the narrative we’ve been sold; the goal of love, is love. The experience of being in a safe, honest, and committed relationship, no matter how brief, is one of life’s gifts, and while marriage is the epitome of this experience, if you let your desire or anxiety to tie the knot rule you, you’ll miss out on the adventure itself. Eventually after years, of discovering what you really want from your partner, after years of learning how to do this relationship thing, he’ll come along, and you will be ready to receive his love, and give as good as you get.
However, there’s a possibility it might never happen for you, that you won’t find him. What do you do then? Nothing. The presence or absence of a man in your life, doesn’t validate you, and if you’re worried about children, adopt a child. Nigeria is already overpopulated, new entries aren’t top of our priority list, and besides, there are a lot of homeless kids out there, looking for love, and safety; looking for a hero. It could be you. The point is, you’re the one that bears the responsibility and the consequence of your choices; life is already hard, show yourself a little love, and make things smooth on your end, let the trouble come from outside. There’s no rush, there’s no goal that is worth torturing yourself for, there’s only you, and your experience. Make it a good one, that’s the only real goal.
Totally agree. Every single word.